The Crazy Disciple

How many of you have seen that F.R.O.G. acronym? The one that stands for “Fully Rely On God”. It’s pretty cheesy, for sure, but how many of us are actually fully putting our dependence in God? When I signed up to be a missionary with Ablaze, I understood that I would be depending on the Lord for everything in my life, including my finances. As a missionary, I fundraise my salary and I rely on the generosity of donors to provide for my day-to-day needs. As you can imagine, this makes money incredibly tight. Choosing between gas and groceries has become a reality of life. Although a missionary lifestyle is one that I chose, I do find myself sometimes complaining to God and telling Him that what I have isn’t enough, that I just want to be able to pay my bills and maybe get some fruit and vegetables at the grocery store. But despite my complaints, God always provides for me. Even during months where I have an unexpected payment, like my cat’s vet bills or an oil change, God always finds a way to make it all work.

And yet, I keep doubting.

A few weeks ago, I began diving into the Gospel of Mark. Since then, God has been strangely matching up events and themes in this Gospel with different events in my life. The story of the feeding of the 5000 was no different. We all know the story: Jesus is preaching, the people are hungry, Jesus tells the disciples to get food for the multitudes, the disciples complain, so Jesus works one of his most famous miracles and multiplies the five loaves and two fish. It’s a pretty amazing miracle, depicted in frescos, stained glass, and kindergarten coloring books all over the world.

But this time when I read it, I noticed something different.

After Jesus does his miracle, St. Mark tells us that the disciples did not understand it, and that their hearts were actually hardened! That’s right. They put up walls around their hearts, and did not see what Jesus was trying to do. They just witnessed one of Jesus’ greatest miracles, and instead of giving him glory, they hardened their hearts to him instead.

Intrigued, and wanting to know why, I kept reading. A few days after the feeding of the 5000, we see that Jesus is teaching the people again, this time to a crowd of 4000. The same thing happens: the people are hungry, and Jesus tells the disciples to get them food.

And the disciples’ reply astounded me.

“Where can anyone get enough bread to satisfy them here in this deserted place?” Um. You’ve got to be kidding me. Hello! Come on, disciples. Just a few days ago, you literally watched Jesus multiply bread and fish for 5000 people! Here you have 4000 people. You don’t think Jesus is capable of providing for them again? Of course he is! And sure enough, he does another miracle and feeds every one.

As I read that story, I saw myself as one of those crazy disciples. Jesus comes through for me every single day, but I still continue to worry and doubt and question. In each situation, Jesus asks his disciples to feed the crowd, and he ends up answering the need. 

Jesus is never going to ask something of us that he does not fully intend to carry out himself.

All the Lord asks us to do is cooperate. He does the miracle, he feeds the people, and he just asks for our five loaves and two fish. Jesus just needs our “yes”, and he will do the rest.

Think back to your own life. Is there anything that you still haven’t fully entrusted to Him? Think about the times God has provided for you during rough patches. God is a God of miracles, and He loves to use our lives to show us how He will never leave us. Whatever you might be struggling with right now, God wants to use this opportunity to show you how good and merciful He is. Give Him your loaves and fish, your full “yes” to His love, and He will never let you down. 

Originally posted on Ablaze Ministries’ blog 8/27/2014